50 shades of grey and no black and white

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Just to be clear, I haven't read the book. Yet! And that's not what this post is about. I felt that I needed to out that to avoid disappointing you.

So, what's this post about?

It's really about how we view the world. Do we view it as black and white or as many shades of grey? Is it really important?

Several recent events in my life have highlighted the difference to me. Is life really black and white? Is it appropriate to make snap decisions and judgements based on the black and white evidence? What are the consequences?

I'll give you an example (not recent – I'll save that for another time); between 2006 and 2010 I cried a lot. I cried at work, I cried at home, I cried in my yoga classes, I cried on the bus, I cried in the tube, I cried walking along the street. I was very sensitive and easy to upset.

The black and white was that I was hypersensitive, over-emotional and emotionally unstable.

Ania Nowicki Life Coach Vitality and Food with brother Tomek

This is my favourite photo of my brother, Tomek, and I, the year before his tragic accident.

The grey of the situation was that on 1st May 2006 I lost my 24 year old brother, my one and only sibling, in a horrid, pointless accident. Previous to that, in 1997 I had lost my dad, also in an accident, which I had never really processed. The grief for the loss of my dad came flooding through with the death of my brother. At this time my mum fell apart, barely able to string a sentence together for months. I had no other close family to share this burden with. I had never felt so utterly lonely and destitute in my life. 

I wasn't suicidal – I loved life too much for that – but I found it very difficult to cope with any stress, pressure or judgement from others. In September 2006 I started a new job. I explained at the start of my recent loss. I managed the first two weeks before the pressure got the better of me. I often fell into fits of grief, unable to stop crying for prolonged periods of time. My managers didn't get it and told me to get a grip. My confidence was shot. I soon didn't know what I was crying about because of the sheer overwhelm of the pressures of the work which added to my home situation. I ended up being signed off work multiple times by my barely simpathetic GP.  By mid-February 2007, my shame of my inability to perform at work got the better of me and I quit, without any other job to go to.

It took me three more years and a lot of work on myself to find myself again.

These days I often get described as high energy, optimistic, abundantly positive and fearless. I cry very rarely, and when I do, it's usually just a little weep that's a release of frustration and tension. Once it happens, I'm over it and I can move on very quickly. 

In those years, between 2006 and 2010, I struggled with the black and white judgements of others –  and of myself (guilty as charged). Nowadays I feel blessed to have so much compassion and understanding thanks to my experience. I don't see the world as black and white anymore. There's always something behind the black and white, if you bother to scratch the surface. And yes, I do feel optimistic, positive, energetic and pretty fearless most of the time as I know that I'll always be able to pick myself up again, whatever life throws at me. These traits, I believe, lend themselves brilliantly to being a compassionate, yet gently challenging coach. I know what's possible. I don't profess, at the age of 33 to have all of the answers, however, I feel confident about where I might find them, or where I might help my clients find them.

Theres always something behind the black and white if you bother to scratch the surface quote by Ania Nowicki Life Coach Vitality and Food

As a celebration of the beauty of life and the exciting chapters currently unfolding for me, I have opened up two coaching spaces at a very special rate for June and July only. If you'd like to take me up on a complimentary 30 minute taster session to find out how I can support you to have a more fulfilled life, please click here.

To finish up, I'd like to leave you with a couple of questions:

Where in your life have you been too black and white in your judgement (of others or yourself)?

What can you learn from the grey below the surface? 

Please share your thoughts and insights below. I love your comments and they may also be helpful to others. 

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Ania Nowicki50 shades of grey and no black and white

Comments 4

  1. Josh Lipovetsky

    First of all, a giant HUG to you, Ania, for having the courage to be the light.

    When it comes to black and white, I feel that I judge myself the harshest. I always like to look at myself in absolute terms. I like to find some technique or diet or energy healing modality, and say: This is it. I have found the answer to everything. It hasn't worked that way, though, and it never will. šŸ˜‰

    As for judging other people, I feel that I have done a good job of seeing past the black and white…I get angry/upset less often as a result of other people's actions, because I realize that I have no idea where they're coming from.

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      Ania

      Thank you, Josh. As you know, I put a lot of myself into these posts and so it's wonderful to know that they are being read and valued.

      It's a very important insight that you've made here about how you judge yourself. A question for you: what can you do or how can you be with yourself to be kinder to yourself?

      Lots of love,

      Ania x

  2. Josh Lipovetsky

    No problem, Ania. It is very much appreciated.

    One key thing is to really get deeper into the Sedona Method. It has come up time and time again as the key element to becoming more loving and kind to myself and others. Not to mention more powerful, efficient, effective, and less stressed!

    I'm reading more and listening to talks these days from Lester Levenson himself (the founder of the Sedona Method). His story is quite amazing, and the peaceful presence that he has is unbelievable. 

    http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?54427-My-Friend-Lester-Levenson

    How about you, Ania? What has been really working for you as of late to improve your quality of life?

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